Or texting someone more often than you used to. So is staying later at work than you usually do. In case you need this spelled out: telling someone that you have a crush on them is acting on it. Your job as the crush-haver is to refrain from altering your behavior in ways that affect your partner simply because of your crush. The crush is your sole responsibility to manage. However, like suspicious moles and good soufflés, it’s risky if you don’t keep your eye on it. A crush need not threaten your relationship. Simply having a crush on another person-fantasizing about dating them, fucking them, and conveniently forgetting to fantasize about how they leave dirty clothes everywhere and have an annoying best friend-is safe and healthy and horny. Maybe it’s more excitement, or an open relationship-although, if you ask for an open relationship with the goal of sleeping with one particular person, that’s skeevy, and probably not a legitimate manifestation of desire for non-monogamy. Crushing on someone can be illuminating about what you need. The missing piece might just be feeling young again (crushes make everyone feel like a teenager), but it also might be something bigger, harder to define, or something that isn’t solvable. Now, I’m certainly not suggesting that just because you realize Juanita in the art department is hot and fun to talk to means your relationship with your wife is doomed, but crushes do have a way of highlighting problems in a partnership. Yes, you’ve got a thrilling new infatuation, but what is your partner gaining by learning about this? Nothing, beyond a newfound sense of doubt in their partner’s commitment.īut a crush can also be a wake-up call. Or because you guys tell each other "everything." Or you simply like talking about your crush so much that you can hardly help yourself from bringing them up in conversation. Maybe you believe it will help to end the crush. You might be tempted to tell your partner for all kinds of reasons. Keep it to yourself-definitely for now, probably forever. Regardless, our brains like having and cultivating crushes and research suggests that having outside crushes in and of itself isn’t harmful to a relationship, so as long as you keep it in check, there’s no point in spending your energy feeling guilty. We’re persuaded of this despite plenty of evidence pointing to the contrary-the first time you sleep with someone tends to be fairly mediocre. It's comfortable and familiar, and every so often we crave the thrill of something new. Because as steamy as the sex you're already having with your partner may be, it's still the same steamy sex you've been having for the past four years. Our brains are excellent at convincing us that sex with this new person will be extremely hot. It might feel special, but it's incredibly normal. Maybe there's a cute barista at the coffee place down the street, or a sexy new person in your friend circle, and you find yourself looking forward to your future interactions with them a liiiiiittle too much, and bask in the rush from their attention for hours afterwards. While they might be more likely to sprout up during a lull or a rough patch with your partner, they can strike at any time. One is death, and two is having crushes on other people even when you’re in a committed, loving relationship. In this life, only two things are certain.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |